Yesterday, when I stopped trying to feel anything at all, I felt something I can only call home.
After days, months — even years — of schlepping around the stories, the fears, the anxiety, I gave up. I surrendered. I stopped, took a deep breath, and closed my eyes.
My thoughts drifted to my late husband, Craig. Not to specific memories of our life together, but to the lingering sense of how we loved. His presence. The way he held space for me and my uncertainties. That beautiful, unconditional love and acceptance.
This wasn’t a walk down memory lane. It wasn’t an insight about unconditional love. I stood fully inside the recognition of my true nature — Love. I stood inside love without effort.
I realized I hadn’t lost this knowing when Craig died. I realized it had always been here. Not because we built it — though we did — but because we lived, consciously or unconsciously, within unconditional love for life itself.
Choosing love is choosing Self.
Not higher self — but Self.
I choose love.
I choose me.
I choose presence.
This reflection is part of the larger body of work I’m shaping in my forthcoming book, The Seven Gates of Inner Light.