There was another senseless mass shooting in my community recently. Six people plus the shooter died. First I railed, crying, screaming, begging the Divine for answers. Why did this happen and when will it end? I did not want to hear that this was the victims’ and the perpetrator’s destiny. I did not want to hear that they, those who died, are out of their body now and are all ok, good even. No! Anger held me hostage. I refused to hear the voice of my Soul, my inner voice, my True Divine Nature.
When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
John Lennon, Paul McCartney
I kept praying for peace but could not calm my inner self so how could I expect peace in the world?
Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me. Let there be peace on earth, the peace that was meant to be. ~Vince Gill
My inner voice kept whispering, surrender, let it be. Still I resisted.
Surrender felt like betrayal, as if I was giving permission for this senseless violence to continue. My heart was heavy, words stuck like shards of glass. I felt betrayed. Hate and anger raged, and, like a spoiled child, I stomped about demanding that the Divine Mother do something. “Come,” I begged, “come wielding your sword and smite this evil down!”
I knew that I had to be willing to do the work and take the steps to calm myself. The peace I was seeking was always here. I just needed to let go. I knew how to do this but felt unwilling to do so. I knew I could not expect peace in the world if I wasn’t willing to do my part. What stopped me?
Old programming. The voice that said, if you let go of your anger and rage, this ugliness will continue. Fear. So much fear.
Slowly, slowly, slowly physical and emotional exhaustion demanded I let go of my tirade. Breathe, the voice said, just breathe. Breathwork allowed my nervous system to come into balance. It also allowed me to experience the physical sensations of the anger and fear, which I did. I sat in silence and felt where the sensation of anger and fear were settling in my body. Nothing to do. I let the feelings be there. I came to rest with them and found acceptance.
Rage, anger, fear dissolved into peace. My heart, though still aching, opened. In my heart, I experienced the spaciousness of peace once more.
Peace is our natural state. Its spaciousness allows us to feel our True Divine Nature, Oneness is who we are. It is the unifying principle that unites us as living beings. Now I can hear my inner voice speaking of the spaciousness of being at peace.