If Only

Meanderings, wanderings, wishes and desires.

If only I dared to use my voice and share my truth. What would I say? What if you disagree or don’t want to hear my truth? What then?

If only I were brave enough to look everyone in the eyes and say, “Hey, you, I love you!” Would they laugh at me, mock me, tell me I’m crazy? Or would they stop, throw their arms around me, and say, “Thank you! I needed to hear those words at this precise moment.”

If only I could bundle all the love, yours and mine, race up to the rooftop and release it to the wind. Then, this preciousness would soar through the cosmos and softly sprinkle down on everyone and everything.

Would you think me crazy? Would you call me a dreamer?

If only I were courageous enough to sit down with my shame and my guilt and talk with them while sipping Jasmine tea and munching on sweet butter cookies. What would we say? 

“Please tell me why you are here and what you want?” I’d inquire softly so as not to sound harsh or judgmental. 

They’d look at each other and shrug, “Why, to protect you, of course!” Their voices beaming with love and dismay. They thought I knew this simple truth.

I’m startled by these words so tenderly delivered. “What do I need protection from?” I ask, innocently, not understanding.

Both shame and guilt look at each other, astonished at my reply. 

“Why, from yourself, of course, your ego self, you silly human. We are the warnings that you set in place long ago. We let you know when you are close to making a mistake.”

“Oh, if only I weren’t human!” I cry, face in my hands. “Oh, if only it didn’t hurt!”

“You are human. It doesn’t have to hurt,” a beautiful voice from within whispers. “If only you’d surrender to your oneness, to your sweet Divine self.”

...oneness is the secret to everything. 

Swami Vivekananda